Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Thoughts of a working mom.....

Being a working mom is hard. There, I said it. 
There are days that I climb into the car to leave and just want to cry. 
There are times when as I am driving singing along to the radio, I break out bawling- I mean full on ugly crying because the song made me think of my sweethearts. 
I am constantly missing my babies when they are away from me and I'm thinking about them 110% of the time. 
Being a working mom is hard. Period. 
I constantly ask myself why. I try to reason. I beg and plead with myself to keep going- but most days, I just don't want to. I want to climb out of bed, walk across the hall, and bring my little sweethearts back into bed with me and snuggle the day away. I want to spend our days at the park and at duck ponds. I want to have play dates and adventures. I want to spend endless hours making endless memories. I want to be a stay at home mommy. 
They need me, I need them. 
Yes, I know being a stay at home mommy is hard too... Yes I know I would maybe sometimes on the rare occasion miss working... but- it is my dream. It is my wish. It is what I want ever so badly, but it is not my reality.
Never once did I imagine that me working was going to be the hardest part of parenthood for me. Never once did I imagine that I would rather spend the day in grungy clothes crawling around on the floor wrestling when I could be dressed up and making money. Never once did I imagine that I would rather go without because that meant that I would be gaining so much more. 
Being a working mom is hard. 
I have had multiple people ask me why I would rather work- the truth... I wouldn't. 
I would rather be doing so much more- but that is not my reality. You see, working means that as hard as it is to push myself to work each morning- the smiles I see when I watch me sweethearts when I get home makes my heart swell! The excitement I see and hear when Keller ice skate are priceless. The thought of paying for hockey, swimming, baseball, soccer, dance, piano, etc... Etc... Etc...  Excite me... And terrify me! 
Being a working mom is hard. BUT I do it for my sweethearts. I do it so we can go on that little vacation, play sports, have adventures, and so much more. 
No, I don't like it. No, I don't hate it. I actually love the people I work with- but I love my kiddos more. 
I would give my right kidney if it meant I could stay home and still afford to live our normal life, to do the things we love, to be debt free.  But today is not that day, so I will take a big breath, put on a smile, kiss my babies, and work so that i can give them all they could ever imagine.  

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