Sunday, March 24, 2013

totally in love

Last year around this time I thought life was perfect! An amazing man whom I get to call my hubby J a sweet little apartment, and a house that was soon to be ours J Life as I knew it, was perfect!! Little did I know that, that heart I thought was so full already was nearly empty compared to what it soon would be! Little did I know that the 2 of us was already 3.. little did I know that I my heart much like the Grinch would grow 2 sizes with the sweet growing baby inside of me! Just a little over a year ago I found out we were expecting a sweet baby (Feb 2012) and now a short year later and my sweet baby is already 5 months old!! And growing more every day!!
I know it may sound silly but there are times where I just sit and watch him for endless hours! His smiles. His giggles. His perfect little non stop talking. And his constant movement! I sit in amazement that just a year ago I sat in almost this very same spot in our house wondering which room would be the “baby’s” room and would it be a boy or a girl.. and oh the name lists! It all happened right here and it seems so long ago but at the very same time it seems like just yesterday! What use to be those little flutters in my stomach is now a growing baby boy who I still don’t quite understand how he fit inside me.. but I am so glad he figured it out so that we can now have him here with us healthy and strong!
It is so crazy to think of the emotions and feelings that constantly surged through my body and now those emotions are still there but in a different form. I wish so badly now that I would have been better at recording every thought and feeling as I had it but I (as you are well aware) struggle at getting around to these things with so many other things going on. However, as I know have realized, if I don’t record every little detail I am scared to death that I will forget the little things that I love so much.
As we got ready to do our taxes I was looking through all the paperwork we would need I found a little letter I had written for Keller the week before he was born.

My Sweet baby boy,
 I cannot believe that you’re almost here! I am so excited to finally meet you and hold you in my arms! Your daddy and I have been waiting for you for 9 long months and pretty soon we’ll get to see you, touch you, and gaze into your beautiful eyes.  I’m especially looking forward to holding you in my arms and nuzzling your sweet smelling head.  Let’s spend hours together just cuddling, nursing, sleeping, and enjoying life together… deal?!?  
I can’t wait to be your mommy.  I’ve been preparing for motherhood since I was basically 5 so my little angel, you have nothing to be worried about! Haha (who am I kidding) I am so excited and terrified and well to be honest I won’t blame you a bit if you are a little nervous, but I can promise you I will love you forever and do my best to be the best mommy ever!!  And since the doctor told me 2 weeks ago that you would be here any minute, I now  feel so ready to welcome you into my life and snuggle you more than you can imagine.  I’ve studied everything I could about how to be a good parent, how to help you learn and grow, and how to be the best example I can be for you.  I’ve even practiced by taking care of lots of other babies and kids by babysitting and working with little angels at work everyday, but really it was all for you.  Taking care of you and teaching you how to take good care of yourself sounds like the most fun and rewarding thing I could possibly do in my life.  Thanks for helping me fulfill my life’s purpose.
Just wait ‘till you meet your daddy.  He’s fantastic.  I just know he’s going to be such a wonderful daddy to you. He is so smart, strong, adventurous, loving, funny and more! I   always wanted to find the perfect guy to love and be sealed to for time and all eternity and well … that’s your dad.  He cares so much for you already and is just so excited to teach you oh so many things!  You are going to love him so much! He will be your best buddy and the one you will look up to for everything!  I love his honesty and the way he has trouble keeping a secret, even when it’s a fun surprise.  I completely trust him to take exquisite care of all of our hearts, which is really the most important task of all.  And on top of all that, he’s hilarious!  With your daddy in our lives, we are sure to have lots and lots of laughter and fun. (trust me he has already made summer plans for when you come! .. I hope you like boating! Haha)
My friends keep telling me that you’re “one lucky baby” and I agree…. But not because the same reasons they think.. you are one lucky boy because you have an amazing daddy and an incredible heavenly father who trusts mommy and daddy enough to take care of you for awhile!  I still cant believe it, but I couldn’t be more ecstatic!
 I’ve always thought of myself as pretty darn lucky and well I feel more and more lucky everyday when I  feel your little kicks so strong and stronger everyday! .  I can wait to meet you sweetheart! I love you so much already and I hope you always know that! Your mommy and daddy love you so much and we will always be here for you no matter what! I know that sometimes life will get a little crazy and even hard but it is so worth it and I know you will make it through it all like a champ! I love you buddy and I always will!
I cant wait to meet you sweetheart but you take your time, okay! You come when you’re all ready- We will get through the whole delivery thing together! J I am sure it will be so perfect and so worth it once I get to to see your cute little fingers and toes! I love you my sweet baby! I will see you soon, okay! I love you! Love your mommy!!  XOXO

It was so crazy to read my crazy scrambled words but the truth behind every single one still stands true! I am so totally in love with my growing baby boy and even though he doesn’t seem to want to stay small for too long, I have loved every minute and love him more every single day!! If only I could pause time for a little while so that I could soak it all in! One day! One day! (hopefully there is some sweet angel in heaven just recording every little event so that one day I can watch it over and over again.. yup.. I am that sappy!!) but in all seriousness I love every little second with my boys and I am totally in love! Keller mommy loves you and I would never change a thing! I love you sweetheart!

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