Okay so a little forewarning… please don’t be offended by anything in this post- and I promise I am not a woe is me kinda person… this is a post more for me and my “journaling” than anything! So with that warning – continue if you dare!! Haha just kidding… but really! J
There are days when everything goes perfectly right and then others where everything seems to go wrong- A few weeks ago, I had day after day that I wanted to just sit back and take a break- don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful for all that I have and everything that I have been blessed with and I full heartedly believe that it is because of days like these- but lets be honest, I don’t exactly welcome trials with open arms and to be perfectly honest… I don’t know that I know anyone who does…. Right?
Well, It all started the week of Sept 8th- what an amazing and memorable day!!! My little mister started full on walking on his own! And Im not just saying a few steps… I am talking full on across the room walking!! Time is flying by way too quickly!!walking at 10 months?!?!? Where on earth did my baby go!!! Well I regret to say that, that excitement was short lived!
Sept 9th- This day gave Mondays a whole new meaning. It was a rough day for my little buddy!!! After working I picked up my little angel only to take him home to find a fever of 102.8, I know I am not the only mommy who’s heart sinks when their poor baby is sick, in fact it is a sour symptom that comes along with motherhood! Wouldn’t it be great to be able to take all the sickness or pain our little’s ever suffer and fix it for them! The whimpers, the looks, the tears! Together they melt my heart and make me a heartbroken mess!! Little did I know, that Monday would be the easiest day of the week as the week went on- our little mister’s temperature went from high to higher finally maxing out at 105.9 Thursday morning. As you can imagine our week was full of both physical and emotional heartache. Not to mention complete sleep exhaustion- getting no more than 3 hours of sleep a day!! Well to add to our week- My mom called me Tuesday afternoon to let me know that my sweet grandmother had passed away. I didn’t know what to think or feel at that point. As my heart sank deeper into my chest I looked at my sweet baby in my arms as well as my two cute nieces who were hanging out with us for the day and I had two thoughts– “my first thought was quickly- are you serious?!? Could anything else go wrong?!?” But my second thought was -- “this is why we do it!” Even through the suffering, the pain, and sickness- this is why we are here. Family. Hearing my mom’s voice shake over the phone as her and I sat in our own silence- I was happy. Not happy in a fun and jumping sort of way- but happy in a knowing and hopeful kind of way. As my eyes and heart filled with tears, I couldn’t help but to be thankful. I was happy that my mom was able to be at my grandmothers side during her last days, I was happy that she no longer had to suffer the pains that overtook her frail and fragile body due to muscular dystrophy, and I was happy knowing that although her mind was not with her before she passed- she was now able to look down knowing, seeing, and remembering each and every one of her children and knowing the love that she had for each of them. As I listened to my mom over the phone, Addie noticed my eyes watering and she gently gave me the sweetest hug saying “Jackie its okay , do you have an owie? I can fix it” Instantly I couldn’t help but to smile, knowing that even through life’s ups and downs, we have each other, we have family. The gratitude and love that I feel for the gospel and knowledge that families are forever does in deed play a huge part in my daily activities and the things I say and do- but it is times like these that we are truly tested, and times like these that our savior holds out his hand for us to guide us and to help us. As I sat back and looked around I was grateful. I was so grateful that I was blessed with a mom who taught me to be a mom, a mom who taught me things I didn’t even realize until Keller came along. As I sat, totally sleep deprived holding Keller as his little body shook from his temperature- I was grateful that I was able to feel comforted hearing my mom’s voice, even though heartbreaking news. I am grateful that I am able to comfort Keller. There were so many little things that after sitting back and letting it all sink in, I was grateful for. Don’t get me wrong, I was not my bouncy fun filled self, for the week I wanted nothing more than to magically cure Keller and then crawl into a hole and sleep for 6 days straight but who am I kidding- that will never happen!!
Well, as the week progressed, Keller’s temperature fluxuated back and forth till finally meeting its max of 105.9 and slowly coming down. Thank goodness!!! Well then Saturday with a temp of 100.9 we packed and headed to Las Vegas for my grandma’s funeral.
Keller and I drove down with my dad, Anthony, and veronica- as Kurt wasn’t able to join us because of school, work, and a pending work trip. Well needless to say, it was a very long weekend being away from Kurt! Keller and I both missed him more than words can express!!! Thank goodness for face time and phone calls! I suppose we should consider ourselves lucky that it took almost 4 years before we had to spend time together! Haha apparently we are spoiled!!! However, as hard as it was to spend time away from Kurt while in Vegas, it was so good to see everyone and introduce Keller!
With everything from sickness to road trips, to viewings and funerals- There is one thing that was the best part of it all- Families. Families are eternal. I know that I do indeed have a family here that I want to spend eternity with!!! “I have a family here on earth; they are so good to me! I want to share my life with them through all eternity!! Families can be together forever, through heavenly fathers plan! I always want to be with my own family and the lord will show me how I can!!”
|at the doc|
|it was a rough day|
|look who finally started to feel better -temp was over 103 in this pic- but he felt way better than when it was almost 106!!|
|on our way to vegas.... the back seat was a real party!|
|facetiming with daddy!!! Ya I know it My hubby is a hottie!!!!|
|napping by grandpa!|
|napping with auntie V... ya when you have a temp for a week you want to sleep after!|
|just chatting it up with my grandma's brother... The last time I saw him was when I was Kellers size!|
|napping with Uncle Anthony!|