Monday, July 7, 2014

Growing up too fast

I sit here watching you and am filled with so many different emotions! Any day now you will go from being my little baby boy to being a big brother. It is absolutely unreal to think that within days I will be a mommy of two beautiful perfect little babies… err um.. children! I still cant believe that you have grown up so quickly! Just yesterday I feel like we were driving 10 miles an hour as carefully as possible bringing you home from the hospital and now you are a toddler! Where did that time go?!?! What happened to all of those precious little moments in the middle? How can time possibly fly by so quickly?
I am so excited to think of the fun adventures that are so close ahead- I am so excited to watch you grow and develop into a big brother! I am so excited to see the relationship between you and your baby sister! So so soooo excited. And yet, terrified. I don’t want you to grow up. I love the hugs and kisses I get all day, every day. I love the “oohh ohhh Mommis??” as you beg to watch Thomas the choo choo train.. and even the “Roar? Mamma roar?? Roar?? Roar??” as you excitedly beg to watch the Roar music video until we give in! You my little angel- are relentless! Haha but I love it! And contrary to what you may think since we hide it every chance we get, mommy and daddy even love that you are obsessed with the vacuum “mamma dada BAAA BAA eese!!!” (translation… “mommy daddy vacuum please!!”) Our carpets have never been cleaner! And even though you have the most persistent little mind- I wouldn’t trade it for anything! These cute and at times patience trying little things make ne realize that far too soon you will be too big to snuggle with mom to watch Thomas and even more depressing.. one day I will be the one begging you to vacuum rather than having to hide it from you!
 I am so excited to watch you grow and develop into the big amazing brother that I know you will be- but for just a small moment I wish I could  freeze time and soak it all in.
With every single emotion sitting here, regardless of the terrified feelings- I couldn’t be more excited and more happy!
I still am in shock- TWO…TWO kiddos… TWO of my very own precious little blessings! How did I get so lucky? So blessed? I cannot believe it still… yes obviously I know that I have had this coming for the past 9 months now.. and yes I know that I am roughly the size of a full grown manatee! BUT is it weird to say that it all still feels so surreal! I am going to be a mamma of two… TWO...2!!!! Kurt and I couldn’t be happier! As I sit here thinking of what our daily life is now versus the upcoming changes that will soon be the new daily routines… as I sit here watching Keller practice his hockey swing.. which might I add is very impressive for a 21 month old!! You go get em’ little buddy! And I feel these lovely little contractions that have been a huge part of my day to day living for the past  THREE WEEKS L I feel more than ready to welcome my sweet new baby girl into this world soon.. or even today... .heck, even this very instant! (yes- call me crazy but I think I am just about done with these ohh soo amazing contractions.) BUT then again all at the same time, as ready as I feel… I also feel soooo soo very unready! Haha can I really do this? Can I be the perfect mother of two that I have in etched in my mind? Probably not.. as that would consist of me being perfect and rich… and since I  don’t yet quite meet the criteria for either of those- I guess me being that ‘perfect mommy’ is out….  BUT I will try! I cant promise to never stress. To never get frustrated. To have a perfectly clean house… or even to make a nice dinner every night.. yes Kurt can attest to this.. seeing as how last night we literally ate grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.. but we did have them with a side of salad.. that counts as a healthy meal.. right???  We won’t talk about the cereal we have had for dinner at least twice a week the past month … whoops! Haha (I promise it is not because I am totally lazy.. well kinda.. but.. I would like to blame it on the contractions and the fact that after working all day the thought of coming home to make dinner just doesn’t sound all that appealing! Haha.. Kurt I promise I will start cooking again… soon???)
Basically I cannot promise to be perfect- heck I cant even pretend to be perfect… as there are just far too many of you that know me too well and could easily blow my cover! BUT lets just pretend to pretend deal? I promise to do my best and to try my hardest! I promise to love my children and husband more than they could ever imagine! I promise to teach you and care for you daily! I promise to always be the best mommy I can be! I love you both to the moon!!

I am feeling so many things at this very instant- but most of all grateful! All excitement, terror, and even joking aside… I am grateful! Words simply cannot express how blessed I feel to have two precious little lives given to me to watch over and protect, to love and to care for. I know that my father in heaven must have a whole lot of trust in me to have given me such an incredible blessing and as terrifying and challenging as it can be at times; I am so appreciative for this incredible blessing! I can’t imagine giving my children to someone else trusting that they will teach them and raise them correctly… I am not even kidding- I struggle even dropping Keller off to be babysat- because I am his mommy and I don’t want to miss even a second! Yet my heavenly father has blessed me with two of his greatest possessions to raise as my own. In no better way to describe the feelings that this simple yet immense blessing is to me, I can only kneel to him in thanks and promise to do my very best- so that is what I will do each and every day.  

now for some pictures....
I kid you not, this is the face I get EVERY TIME he finds the vacuum! He loves it! 

see.... and you thought I was kidding! The boy has a weird obsession with cleaning the floors! hahaha 

that look kills me every time! I love this little boy!

you know when you just sit and stare at your sleeping child? How do they grow up so fast? This little boy owns my whole heart! 

hanging out at baby brixy's 1st birthday party! 

he wanted to help decorate the birthday card! 

MY LITTLE HOCKEY PRO! Keller and daddy love to play EVERY night.. and mommy has to watch... I kid you not- Keller forces me to sit on the bottom step and watch every little swing! It is adorable! 

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